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Dr. John Álvarez

The Most Important Thing That No One Gets.

Published 16 days ago • 1 min read

Your attachment style is the captain of your ship.

👀 Gabor Maté – Authenticity vs. Attachment (4:18)

video preview​

Psychologists call it attachment theory—but in plain terms, it’s about how we learn to show up in relationships. Many men grow up thinking strength means standing alone. The truth? The men who last—at work, at home, and in life—are the ones who build steady bonds they can count on.

Insecure attachment (anxious or avoidant) often comes from childhood experiences, but the good news is it isn’t fixed. With awareness and practice, you can shift toward secure attachment as an adult.

🎧 I recorded a short audio:The Final Chapter of Attachment (2:12)

Research Note:​
Attachment research shows this isn’t just philosophy:

  • Men with secure attachment styles report lower stress, stronger resilience, and more satisfaction in life and relationships compared to men with anxious or avoidant styles. (pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)
  • Strong attachment predicts better stress recovery, higher trust in partners, and stronger long-term performance under pressure—on and off the job. (pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)

3 Thoughts

  1. Most men are taught to stand alone. Real strength isn’t never needing anyone—it’s knowing you can trust someone to have your back.
  2. When you’ve never had a reliable base, connection can feel like weakness. In reality, it’s the ground that makes risk and growth possible.
  3. Safety in a relationship doesn’t mean there’s no conflict. It means you can argue, struggle, and still know the bond won’t break.

2 Quotes

“When we have to choose between attachment and authenticity, we will give up our authenticity in order to stay attached.” — Gabor Maté
“We are born to form attachments, and when those fail, we suffer.” — Sue Johnson

1 Question

Do you know your attachment style in adult relationships? Understanding it can change how you show up, trust, and connect. Take a quick quiz and see where you land: Free Quiz​

If you have a question about attachment after your quiz, I would love to hear from you. If it’s selected, I will answer it (informally) and post it in the next newsletter.

Cheers,

— Dr. John Álvarez

P.S. If you want to explore your attachment patterns and build the kind of connections that strengthen you, book a session.

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Clip source: Gabor Maté – Authenticity vs. Attachment. Used under fair use for educational, commentary, and discussion purposes. Shared via YouTube.

Dr. John Álvarez

MD MA RCC CGP PATGC

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