Hey Reader,

There’s a moment in The Counselor— Javier Bardem says to Fassbender:

It’s a dark line, but there’s something in it most men recognize.

It’s not always the dramatic fights or betrayals that hurt a relationship.
Often it’s when things just go flat or….radio silence.

I work with a lot of men navigating this space.

The symptoms might show up as anger, addiction, anxiety, insomnia—but underneath it all, it’s often about disconnection.
From partners. From purpose. From themselves.

No one gets a manual for this stuff and the internet is a literal dumpster fire of terrible advice. Most of us pick up patterns from early on—then repeat them without realizing.

Some shut down. Others overreach. Most are in-between.

This isn’t about blaming or fixing. It’s about getting clear on what’s really happening—and what keeps repeating.

Watch this short clip that delivers the point of how your past can affect your present.

👀 Couples Therapy | Josh has an "Aha" Moment (4:48)

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IRL...

You haven't argued with your wife in two years.​
You think that means things are good.
But she feels invisible. Unchallenged. She says, “It’s like we’re roommates.”
By trying not to rock the boat, you are losing her interest.

You call your girlfriend every time she doesn't reply fast enough.​
You mean well—but you appear insecure.
She pulls back. You chase harder.
She doesn't break up with you because you are “bad”—
She just has that -ick feeling repelling her.

It is confusing.

When you don’t understand how attraction and attachment work together, you can accidentally kill the spark or emotional tension women need to feel alive in the relationship (and may fight with you to get). If you withdraw or avoid when things get hard or real, connection fades.

What you need to know is what operating system you are running on, here are some free quizzes to get started.

🧠 FREE QUIZ: Find Your Attachment Style

👥 FREE QUIZ: Find out Your Love Language

Wishing you a great rest of the day, Reader!

Dr. John Álvarez

P.S. Relationship work is my specialty.
If you’ve been going cold… or clinging too tight… and none of the online advice is landing—maybe it’s time for something deeper.”

👀 View My Bio​

⭐️ Thank You For Your Review​