How to actually change your trajectory this year.

Happy New Year, Reader.

I’m not sure what season of life you are in, but the transition from fall to winter often feels like an onslaught.

For many of the men I work with, the holidays aren't just about "busy-ness"—they are a magnifying glass for financial stress, loneliness, and alienation, even when surrounded by family. Navigating family expectations, the "Wild West" of modern dating, and the sense of being untethered can make this time of year feel more like a gauntlet than a celebration.

I start winterizing, organizing the wood, and preparing for snow. It’s a busy time for therapy, too, as many guys realize that the "new year" won't feel any different unless they actually change their trajectory.

For most of us, January 1st comes with a lot of pressure to "fix" everything. We set massive, lofty goals—"I’m going to get in the best shape of my life" or "I’m going to find my person"—and by mid-February, we’ve usually reverted back to the old routine.

In my work, I see men getting resolutions wrong in two specific ways: we make them too vague, or we make them too big without a roadmap. We aim for the mountaintop without checking if we have the right boots for the first mile.

We also tend to make our resolutions too superficial. We waste that fresh New Year motivation on "band-aid" solutions to avoid the deeper, more costly issues we aren't quite ready to address. Often, we will choose to do the "next hardest thing" instead—wasting a ton of time and money avoiding the one thing we actually need help with to finally change our trajectory.

Getting SMART About 2026

If you are looking to make 2026 a year of more meaningful, grounded change, you have to move away from "intentions" and toward "systems." A reliable framework for this is SMART goal setting:

• Specific: What exactly are you doing?
• Measurable: How will you track progress?
• Achievable: Is it realistic for your current life?
• Relevant: Does this actually matter to you?
• Time-bound: What is the deadline?

The Difference in Action

The "Not-So-Smart" Way (Vague & Lofty):

• The Goals: "I want to get fit," "I want to be a better dad," or "I want to stop being so lonely."
• Why they fail: They are great sentiments, but they have no starting line. When life gets stressful, "being better" feels like an undefined mountain to climb. Without a specific track to run on, most guys give up by February.

The SMART Way (Incremental & Specific):

💪 The Physical Goal: "I will do a 20-minute bodyweight workout in my garage every Mon/Wed/Fri before work for the next 30 days."

❤️ The Relationship Goal: "I will put my phone in the kitchen drawer from 6:00 PM–7:00 PM every weeknight for 30 days to give my family my undivided attention."

🔗 The Connection Goal: "I will attend one local class, group or social event every Tuesday night for the next month to break the cycle of isolation."

Why it works: These are "closed loops." You know exactly if you did them or not. They are small enough to be nearly impossible to fail, which builds the momentum you need for the bigger life changes.

A New Year's Message

Real growth isn't about a sudden burst of willpower on January 1st; it's about the small, boring habits you repeat when no one is watching.

I see this same principle in the therapy room. Many men treat counseling like an emergency room—they only come in when the loneliness, financial weight, or relationship friction feels unbearable, and drop off as soon as the immediate fire is out.

However, my clients consistently see the best results when they commit to a systemic approach. Working with me for a specific length of time at a specific frequency (like bi-weekly for three months) creates a unique kind of momentum and accountability that "on-off" sessions just can't match.

I am really good at this. I specialize in helping men become stronger, more connected, and better versions of themselves. Whether you are struggling to understand women and attraction, navigating the "wild west" of divorce or separation, or battling a persistent sense of isolation—I can help you navigate that transition and build a system that actually works for your life.

I hope you can take a minute today to reflect on the past year and acknowledge all the things, big and small, you did right or well—regardless of whether anyone else noticed.

If you want one practical step to start your year today, I highly recommend reading or listening to Atomic Habits by James Clear. It is the best guide I know for turning vague intentions into the systems that actually change your life. If you want to incorporate this book into our sessions together let me know, as I am fluent.

Wishing you a focused and purposeful New Year. All the best in 2026, let's do this!

Dr. John Álvarez

I have opened up two extra spots tomorrow (Friday, Jan 2nd) and a few for the following week for those ready to stop doing the "next hardest thing" and start building a real system for change.

[Here is the Link to Book a 1:1 Session]

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